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Two and a Half Men

2003-2015
Seasons: 12
Episodes: 262
User ratings: 221,592
Average rating: 7.1

Comedy, Romance

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Seasons ratings graph

Episodes ratings graph

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Season 4

Season 5

Season 6

Season 7

Season 8

Season 9

Season 10

Season 11

Season 12

TWO AND A HALF MEN - EPISODES RATINGS GRAPH

Episodes details table

S01E00
Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot
unknown
After his wife kicks him out of the house, Alan has to move in with his brother Charlie.
User ratings: 777
Average rating: 8.3
S01E01
Pilot
2003-09-22
After 12 years of marriage, Alan's wife Judith, kicks him out. He turns to his older brother Charlie for help. Charlie has trouble adjusting his carefree lifestyle with the presence of his 10 year old nephew.
User ratings: 1,279
Average rating: 8.4
S01E02
Big Flappy Bastards
2003-09-29
Alan punishes Jake for an incident at Judith's house. Charlie is lax in enforcing Alan's restrictions, then some seagulls invade Charlie's house as a result of Jake's actions, Charlie has to learn how to discipline his nephew.
User ratings: 1,037
Average rating: 8.0
S01E03
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
2003-10-06
Charlie and Alan go out drinking. Alan tries to reconcile with his wife. After that fails, they decide to confront the root of their issues, their mother.
User ratings: 961
Average rating: 7.9
S01E04
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
2003-10-13
As Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits. Alan tries to convince her to come back. Leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner. And Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.
User ratings: 913
Average rating: 8.1
S01E05
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
2003-10-20
Jake's soccer games lead to Alan and Charlie having encounters with teammates' sexy mothers.
User ratings: 901
Average rating: 8.1
S01E06
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
2003-10-27
Charlie and Evelyn date members of the same family.
User ratings: 858
Average rating: 7.8
S01E07
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
2003-11-03
Jake sees a butterfly tattoo on the firm bottom of a surfer-chick friend of Charlie's and draws a picture of it for school. Of course, this enrages Judith until she becomes very good friends with the woman herself.
User ratings: 907
Average rating: 8.5
S01E08
Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
2003-11-10
Judith chairs Jake's annual musical production, and decides to update a piece she wrote with Alan, also a way to get closer again despite their divorce procedures. Charlie feels tricked when 'volunteered' to fill in for the pianist, but is intrigued by his new found power over the kids. The couple's pretentious piece about the Industrial Revolution disgusts everyone, but all the kids love Charlie's jingles enough to know them by heart, so he thinks up an alternative script.
User ratings: 845
Average rating: 8.0
S01E09
Phase One, Complete
2003-11-17
Charlie wants to dump a female friend to whom Jake has grown attached. Alan and Rose bond over a game of Scrabble.
User ratings: 807
Average rating: 7.9
S01E10
Merry Thanksgiving
2003-11-24
Thanksgiving winds up being the least thankful day of the year for Charlie, who has to bribe various members of his household to even come to a traditional turkey dinner. Not only are the usual feuds in evidence (leading to a turkey-carving right out of "Psycho") but Judith's parents are actually sympathetic to Alan and hostile to their own daughter for her "fling" with lesbianism.
User ratings: 879
Average rating: 8.2
S01E11
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
2003-12-15
Seeing Judith's new look and boyfriend prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he will need to change his look also.
User ratings: 806
Average rating: 7.8
S01E12
Camel Filters and Pheromones
2004-01-05
Berta brings her 16 year old granddaughter to work. She poses issues for the men.
User ratings: 1,388
Average rating: 8.8
S01E13
Sarah Like Puny Alan
2004-01-12
Charlie tries to nurse Alan back from the flu because he needs him for a double date with sisters.
User ratings: 785
Average rating: 7.9
S01E14
I Can't Afford Hyenas
2004-02-02
Charlie's accountant Stan tries to make Charlie understand his desperate financial situation.
User ratings: 792
Average rating: 8.0
S01E15
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
2004-02-09
Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie--against Alan's advice.
User ratings: 830
Average rating: 8.1
S01E16
That Was Saliva, Alan
2004-02-16
Now that Frankie has tricked the Harpers into taking her and her daughter Joanie in, she explains that Bob's parents want her declared mentally incompetent in order to get custody. Charlie wants to dump her, but Alan insists on taking them both in. Jake doesn't enjoy the 8 year old's 'romantic' attention. Charlie hates the consolation kisses and compliments, and is stunned when Frankie prefers intimacy with Alan. Charlie rightly warns him he's just falling for his 'damsel in distress', but warns her not to hurt his kid brother.
User ratings: 808
Average rating: 8.0
S01E17
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
2004-02-23
Charlie is offended when Alan chooses his married, responsible cousins as Jake's guardians.
User ratings: 767
Average rating: 8.1
S01E18
An Old Flame with a New Wick
2004-03-01
Charlie's old flame, Jill, comes for a visit, she had an operation and is now called "Bill." Then Evelyn starts dating Bill.
User ratings: 926
Average rating: 8.6
S01E19
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
2004-03-22
Judith's sister Liz comes for a visit.
User ratings: 819
Average rating: 8.2
S01E20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
2004-04-19
Jake plays electric guitar all day long and doesn't want to do anything else. Alan and Charlie can't figure out why. Jake refuses to discuss anything with anyone, including his grandmother and even a psychologist.
User ratings: 764
Average rating: 7.8
S01E21
No Sniffing, No Wowing
2004-05-03
Charlie tries to seduce Alan's divorce lawyer, Laura, and her assistant. He sleeps with Laura and they decide not to tell Alan anything since it's unethical, considering that Charlie is a participant in the case.
User ratings: 830
Average rating: 8.2
S01E22
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
2004-05-10
Charlie notices that Alan sleepwalks and tries to find out what's causing it and how to deal with it. He asks for help from their mother, Evelyn, and Jake's psychologist, Dr. Linda Freeman.
User ratings: 767
Average rating: 8.1
S01E23
Just Like Buffalo
2004-05-17
Jake repeats something Charlie says to Judith. Then Judith refuses to let Alan take Jake for the weekend. Alan tries to talk to Judith, but encounters resistance from Judith and her friends. It's up to Charlie to set things right.
User ratings: 876
Average rating: 8.6
S01E24
Can You Feel My Finger
2004-05-24
After another pregnancy scare and listening to a young father's baby-talk, Charlie is ready to take Alan's advice and inquire about a vasectomy with Dr. Andrew Sperlock. He's also advised to freeze some sperm, but both dad and the actual operation keep coming to nothing except dates, until Charlie decides the doc running off to attend his wife giving birth must be a sign from heaven.
User ratings: 785
Average rating: 8.3
S02E01
Back Off Mary Poppins
2004-09-20
Charlie is having some friends coming over to his house to have a gathering but Alan is not invited. Things got worse when Alan is also not invited to Judith's party even though her guests are Alan's friends.
User ratings: 1,004
Average rating: 8.2
S02E02
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
2004-09-27
Alan is hurt after finding out Judith is seeing Jake's pediatrician. Meanwhile, Evelyn tries to find out why Charlie hates her.
User ratings: 735
Average rating: 7.8
S02E03
A Bag Full of Jawea
2004-10-04
After Jake flips off his teacher, Alan and Judith move to punish him. Charlie, meanwhile, has other plans for Jake's teacher. Chaos ensues when Jake discovers the relationship and the increasingly overbearing Miss Pasternak tells Charlie she believes God brought them together.
User ratings: 749
Average rating: 8.2
S02E04
Go Get Mommy's Bra
2004-10-11
After Charlie reluctantly lends Evelyn his new car, he later discovers her bra in the back seat. Meanwhile, Alan is forced to compensate after Jake gets attached to Judith's rich and talented boyfriend.
User ratings: 705
Average rating: 8.1
S02E05
Bad News from the Clinic
2004-10-18
Charlie is dating a self-assured woman who plays hard to get, easily dismisses him, and he finds it disarming. Rose gets Charlie to see that his new lady-friend, Sherry, is in his head because she is just like him; a self-centered, manipulative, narcissist. Charlie debates breaking it off. Alan and Jake fiercely battle wills over Jake doing his homework.
User ratings: 724
Average rating: 7.9
S02E06
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
2004-10-25
After confessing responsibility for a childhood shoplifting incident blamed on Alan, Charlie seeks the forgiveness of his now infuriated brother.
User ratings: 692
Average rating: 8.1
S02E07
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
2004-11-08
Evelyn announces she is receiving an honor from the real estate industry and that Charlie and Alan will host a party in her honor. Mayhem ensues when Berta and her sister agree to cater the event, but sibling rivalry takes center stage.
User ratings: 687
Average rating: 7.7
S02E08
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
2004-11-15
Alan gets carried away with a woman he met at the supermarket, and it's up to Charlie to talk some sense into him while shielding Jake and Judith from what's going on.
User ratings: 702
Average rating: 8.2
S02E09
Yes, Monsignor
2004-11-22
Charlie runs into a newly-divorced ex, now single mom, who's willing to give him another shot. Back home, Jake tries to diagnose his learning problems.
User ratings: 712
Average rating: 8.1
S02E10
The Salmon Under My Sweater
2004-11-29
Charlie struggles to write a jingle for a new cartoon. Meanwhile, Alan spends time with Rose, and Jake procrastinates doing a book report.
User ratings: 709
Average rating: 8.2
S02E11
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
2004-12-13
Charlie sets out to find who started a derogatory web site about him. Meanwhile, Alan overhears something he shouldn't on Jake's webcam.
User ratings: 723
Average rating: 8.2
S02E12
A Lung Full of Alan
2005-01-03
An old classmate is in town while Charlie and Alan spar over whom she likes more.
User ratings: 749
Average rating: 8.2
S02E13
Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów
2005-01-17
Tensions rise after an earthquake displaces Judith to Charlie's house.
User ratings: 717
Average rating: 8.3
S02E14
Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
2005-01-31
Evelyn's condescending attitude towards Jake's good grades sets Charlie and Alan out for revenge.
User ratings: 656
Average rating: 7.9
S02E15
Smell the Umbrella Stand
2005-02-07
Charlie and Alan's weekend trip to Las Vegas has a little trouble getting off the ground.
User ratings: 663
Average rating: 8.1
S02E16
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
2005-02-14
It's the week of hell as Judith's out of town, Alan's got Jake, and nothing seems to be going right.
User ratings: 717
Average rating: 8.4
S02E17
Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!
2005-02-21
Berta teaches Jake something about cleanliness while Charlie's in pain after a sexual encounter went horribly wrong.
User ratings: 716
Average rating: 8.1
S02E18
It Was Mame, Mom
2005-03-07
Charlie cons Alan into being his date at his gay friend's dinner party. But how long can they keep up the act?
User ratings: 781
Average rating: 8.3
S02E19
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
2005-03-21
A freak food-flinging accident leaves Alan with impaired vision, which doesn't bode well especially when he draws a liking to one of Charlie's exes.
User ratings: 695
Average rating: 8.0
S02E20
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
2005-04-18
Rose intervenes after Alan and Charlie come to blows over some of their unresolved issues.
User ratings: 720
Average rating: 7.9
S02E21
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
2005-05-02
After one of her ex-husbands dies, Evelyn summons Alan, Charlie, and Jake to the funeral, where Charlie takes a keen interest in the widow.
User ratings: 688
Average rating: 8.0
S02E22
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
2005-05-09
Alan borrows money from Evelyn to buy a Porsche. However, life doesn't become as glamorous as he expects.
User ratings: 657
Average rating: 7.8
S02E23
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
2005-05-16
After finding out that Jake has spent the night at his other grandparents's house, Evelyn insists that Jake spend a night at her place. After convincing Jake to stay at her place, Alan and Charlie worry about how Jake will be affected by his overnight visit.
User ratings: 928
Average rating: 8.8
S02E24
Does This Smell Funny to You
2005-05-23
Jake recounts his weekend in which Charlie's latest fling is with a woman who turns out to be married to a now very angry old man.
User ratings: 757
Average rating: 8.5
S03E01
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
2005-09-19
After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie has to look after the adolescent and increasingly obnoxious Jake for the weekend.
User ratings: 701
Average rating: 8.1
S03E02
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
2005-09-26
Alan has to lobby the principal to keep Jake from getting expelled, while Charlie is left to manage the chiropractic office for the day.
User ratings: 722
Average rating: 8.3
S03E03
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
2005-10-03
After it's revealed Alan and Judith have been trying to reconcile, Charlie, Evelyn, and Rose vie for the role of spoiler.
User ratings: 635
Average rating: 8.0
S03E04
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
2005-10-10
Alan looks for a new place after he invites Berta to stay at Charlie's house, bringing the brothers to blows.
User ratings: 637
Average rating: 8.0
S03E05
We Called It Mr. Pinky
2005-10-17
Charlie's inability to reciprocate his girlfriend's love forces him to examine his relationships with women.
User ratings: 642
Average rating: 8.0
S03E06
Hi, Mr. Horned One
2005-10-24
Charlie's Satan-worshiping girlfriend has a knack for the supernatural, and seems to be the cause of some strange happenings around the Harper house.
User ratings: 913
Average rating: 8.6
S03E07
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
2005-11-07
Charlie gets drunk and sleeps with Rose on her birthday. Rose says she knows it's no big deal. But her father quickly shows up at Charlie's house, under the impression that they've been dating for two years.
User ratings: 713
Average rating: 8.1
S03E08
That Voodoo That I Do Do
2005-11-14
Charlie bribes Jake into taking ballet lessons so he can vie for the affections of the teacher. Things go awry, however, when Charlie and Jake find themselves competing for those affections.
User ratings: 746
Average rating: 8.5
S03E09
Madame and Her Special Friend
2005-11-21
Charlie's elderly neighbor has an uncomfortable business proposition for Alan.
User ratings: 682
Average rating: 8.1
S03E10
Something Salted and Twisted
2005-11-28
After Alan goes on a dinner with Jake, Charlie and Evelyn, he becomes fed up with seeking approval from women and decides to quit doing so with a little help from Charlie.
User ratings: 626
Average rating: 7.8
S03E11
Santa's Village of the Damned
2005-12-19
Alan's girlfriend Sandy is Malibu's answer to Martha Stewart, causing Alan and Charlie to pack on the pounds. Their desire for her fabulous culinary output is ultimately overwhelmed by her craziness.
User ratings: 772
Average rating: 8.4
S03E12
That Special Tug
2006-01-09
After a disastrous evening out with his brother, Charlie decides it is time to see a shrink.
User ratings: 686
Average rating: 8.2
S03E13
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
2006-01-23
Charlie has to decide whether he can really commit to a serious relationship with Mia, especially when sex is currently off the agenda. Unsurprisingly, his suggestion that he sleep with other women in the meantime falls on somewhat stony ground.
User ratings: 620
Average rating: 7.8
S03E14
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
2006-02-06
As Charlie tries to receive his version of benefits from the relationship he has with Mia, Alan starts dating Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.
User ratings: 664
Average rating: 8.3
S03E15
My Tongue Is Meat
2006-02-27
Forced to hide in his garage to enjoy a brace of beers and half a Cuban cigar, Charlie's attempts to keep his unhealthy lifestyle habits secret from Mia fall apart when she smells bacon on his breath, resulting in their first major argument since taking their relationship to a physical plane.
User ratings: 628
Average rating: 8.0
S03E16
Ergo, the Booty Call
2006-03-06
Jake's twelfth birthday approaches. Alan is busy with young, hot Kandi.
User ratings: 710
Average rating: 8.5
S03E17
The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
2006-03-13
Charlie is nominated for an award, but he knows his rival Archie will win, as usual, so he doesn't want to attend it. Rose asks Charlie to help her with her boyfriend Gordon.
User ratings: 632
Average rating: 7.8
S03E18
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
2006-03-20
Alan is having financial problems: Kandi is too "expensive" for him.
User ratings: 612
Average rating: 7.8
S03E19
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
2006-04-10
Charlie learns that Kandi has been living with them for three weeks. It turns out he hasn't even noticed some furniture changes. Alan wants to try her as secretary, but Charlie doesn't think she's smart enough for that.
User ratings: 645
Average rating: 8.0
S03E20
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
2006-04-24
Alan is made to admit to Charlie, who keeps hitting it in, he has hit rock-bottom now that his brainless girlfriend Kandi has moved in with his ex. It's all so confusing that Jake would prefer dad's ladies to be lesbians, then tells him Kandi's ma Mandi has joined Charlie's endless list of sexual conquests. Alan can't talk to Kandi, she just repeats Judith's phrases, clearly without understanding the words, but he sees her dad, Mandi's ex Andy, arrive on blind date with his own ex Judith. Frolicking finale at Judith's, in rooms, bed and hot-tub...
User ratings: 717
Average rating: 8.4
S03E21
And the Plot Moistens
2006-05-01
Alan turns to Jake's teacher for stimulating conversation, since Kandi obviously can't provide any. But the teacher starts to get the wrong idea about Alan's intentions.
User ratings: 651
Average rating: 7.9
S03E22
Just Once with Aunt Sophie
2006-05-08
Jake has his first boys-girls party, dating a smart girl, Wendy Cho. Alan was looking forward to coaching his son, but even Jake, who spends his schooldays watching the clock tick, isn't dumb enough to consider dating advice from the worst womanizer in L.A., while Charlie proves he can coach a virtually hopeless case -Alan and Judith's genes without the IQ- trough appearance, dance and anything else. In fact Alan envies Jake so much, he still hopes for ...
User ratings: 619
Average rating: 8.1
S03E23
Arguments for the Quickie
2006-05-15
Mia comes back and asks Charlie to donate his sperm. He agrees to, but for some unknown reason he can't deliver.
User ratings: 604
Average rating: 7.9
S03E24
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
2006-05-22
Charlie and Mia discover that setting up a wedding with their two crazy families is a disaster, so they decide to get married in Las Vegas.
User ratings: 647
Average rating: 8.3
S04E01
Working for Caligula
2006-09-18
Kandi dumps Alan, which forces him and Jake to move back in with Charlie, who was just getting used to getting his bachelor pad back.
User ratings: 658
Average rating: 7.9
S04E02
Who's Vod Kanockers
2006-09-25
Charlie starts to lose control now that Mia's gone and Alan and Jake are back, and his frustration culminates in a violent confrontation with his new neighbor, Steven Tyler.
User ratings: 673
Average rating: 8.0
S04E03
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
2006-10-02
In the middle of a near-death experience, Charlie thinks he hears his father's voice tell him to take care of his mother, who is just about to have a "minor procedure" performed on her.
User ratings: 639
Average rating: 7.8
S04E04
A Pot Smoking Monkey
2006-10-09
Alan wants custody of the dog Chester he shared in his late marriage with Kandi. Meanwhile, Charlie helps Jake with his girlfriend.
User ratings: 630
Average rating: 7.7
S04E05
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
2006-10-16
When Judith announces she is going to remarry, Charlie and Alan must convince her fiancé to proceed with the nuptials after he displays signs of cold feet, so that Alan can discontinue alimony payments to Judith.
User ratings: 652
Average rating: 7.9
S04E06
Apologies for the Frivolity
2006-10-23
Charlie is the last one to realize that he is dating a younger version of his mother.
User ratings: 731
Average rating: 8.4
S04E07
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
2006-10-30
Charlie reluctantly agrees to help Berta as she confronts the man who impregnated her youngest daughter and Alan tells Charlie about a secret fetish.
User ratings: 644
Average rating: 8.0
S04E08
Release the Dogs
2006-11-13
After a bout with insomnia, Alan is escorted home from a midnight run on the beach by the local sheriff's department. Jake fights back when Charlie goes back on his word about not dating his friend's mother.
User ratings: 644
Average rating: 8.1
S04E09
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
2006-11-20
Charlie finally gets fed up with Alan always weaseling his way out of picking up a bill, and it only gets worse when he discovers Alan's secret stash of money.
User ratings: 641
Average rating: 7.8
S04E10
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
2006-11-27
Charlie's new live-in girlfriend is skating on thin ice with Berta because she threatens Berta's "alpha dog" status, and Kandi lets Alan have sex with her again so that he won't sell the condo.
User ratings: 639
Average rating: 7.9
S04E11
Walnuts and Demerol
2006-12-11
Charlie's quest to get laid on Christmas Eve threatens to fall apart when everybody shows up at his house and refuses to leave.
User ratings: 777
Average rating: 8.7
S04E12
Castrating Sheep in Montana
2007-01-08
Alan is seeing Berta's daughter behind everyone's back. But when Berta finds out, Alan is shocked and a little disturbed by her positive response.
User ratings: 615
Average rating: 7.8
S04E13
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
2007-01-22
Repressed memories come back to the surface for Charlie after Jake talks about hearing his mom having sex.
User ratings: 615
Average rating: 7.8
S04E14
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
2007-02-05
Charlie tries to set up Alan with the sexy and rich new next-door neighbor who is looking to settle down. But when Charlie discovers her secret history as a drunken slut, he decides to go after her himself.
User ratings: 631
Average rating: 7.9
S04E15
My Damn Stalker
2007-02-12
Alan takes a stab at online dating, and Rose tells Charlie that she's moving away.
User ratings: 630
Average rating: 8.1
S04E16
Young People Have Phlegm Too
2007-02-19
Charlie tries to convince himself and Alan that he's not too old to be part of the wild, young party crowd.
User ratings: 637
Average rating: 7.9
S04E17
I Merely Slept with a Commie
2007-02-26
After Charlie and Alan tell their mom that nobody loves her enough to attend her funeral, she replaces them with a new family, which makes both of them very jealous.
User ratings: 610
Average rating: 7.8
S04E18
It Never Rains in Hooterville
2007-03-19
Alan feels the pangs of fatherhood disappearing as Jake grows, and contemplates his future with Kandi, who is contemplating on a new career move.
User ratings: 617
Average rating: 7.8
S04E19
Smooth as a Ken Doll
2007-04-09
Alan thinks he's making his last alimony payment to Judith, but Judith's future sister-in-law could be putting the wedding in jeopardy. And things only get worse when she hooks up with Charlie.
User ratings: 646
Average rating: 8.3
S04E20
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
2007-04-16
Alan sees nothing but troubles in his future as Charlie's relationship with Judith's future sister-in-law blossoms.
User ratings: 666
Average rating: 8.3
S04E21
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
2007-04-23
Everyone suspects that Alan may be coming out of the closet when he becomes good friends with a gay man. But Charlie is actually the one who is suddenly feeling insecure about his sexuality.
User ratings: 634
Average rating: 8.0
S04E22
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
2007-04-30
When Alan has to go renew his driver's license, he convinces Charlie to help Jake with book report. But when Charlie takes Jake to the track, instead, Jake's horse comes in.
User ratings: 594
Average rating: 7.9
S04E23
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
2007-05-07
Charlie hires a handyman to fix his deck, then begins to feel threatened when all the women in his life flock to the new guy.
User ratings: 707
Average rating: 8.2
S04E24
Prostitutes and Gelato
2007-05-14
In an effort to bond with Alan and Charlie, Evelyn's new boyfriend invites them on a trip to Vegas with all the frills.
User ratings: 652
Average rating: 8.4
S05E01
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
2007-09-24
Jake is ready to begin junior high school, until Alan scares him by telling him about all of the horrors that he experienced. Meanwhile, Charlie has a rash in a most inopportune area.
User ratings: 649
Average rating: 8.1
S05E02
Media Room Slash Dungeon
2007-10-01
Charlie and his mom temporarily become friends until Charlie takes an interest in one of her married clients, and Alan goes to bed with a woman who has self-esteem issues.
User ratings: 618
Average rating: 8.0
S05E03
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
2007-10-08
Charlie humors Alan by going on a date with a woman his own age instead of a young bimbo. But when the woman rejects him after the first date, he becomes obsessed with seeing her again.
User ratings: 612
Average rating: 8.0
S05E04
City of Great Racks
2007-10-15
Charlie is getting serious with Linda. But lately he seems to be seeing his ex-stalker, Rose. Has she returned from England, or is it his imagination?
User ratings: 615
Average rating: 8.1
S05E05
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
2007-10-22
Charlie hasn't had a paying gig for months, so Alan becomes part of a drug study to make extra money. Meanwhile, Charlie tries to bond with Linda's four-year-old son.
User ratings: 617
Average rating: 8.1
S05E06
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
2007-10-29
A medication mix-up causes Charlie to humiliate Linda at an important dinner, and Jake disobeys his dad's orders and sneaks out to attend a rock concert.
User ratings: 604
Average rating: 8.0
S05E07
Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
2007-11-05
After Alan gets in a fight with Charlie over a decorative bowl, Alan and Jake move in with Alan's mom.
User ratings: 599
Average rating: 7.9
S05E08
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
2007-11-12
Charlie discovers that being a children's singer means making lots of money and picking up single moms. But he also discovers that he's going to have to overcome his fear of performing in front of large audiences.
User ratings: 807
Average rating: 8.6
S05E09
Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
2007-11-19
Charlie ignores his future step-father's advice and gets involved with his daughter, and he learns the hard way that he should have heeded the warning.
User ratings: 611
Average rating: 8.1
S05E10
Kinda Like Necrophilia
2007-11-26
Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend in high school, so he sets out to even the score.
User ratings: 651
Average rating: 8.2
S05E11
Meander to Your Dander
2008-03-17
Alan's latest relationship has grown stale, so he turns to Charlie for advice about how to break up with her.
User ratings: 619
Average rating: 8.2
S05E12
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
2008-03-24
Charlie is suffering from a bad cold, and Rose suddenly and mysteriously resurfaces to "take care of him." So why isn't Charlie getting any better?
User ratings: 593
Average rating: 8.0
S05E13
The Soil is Moist
2008-03-31
Alan sleeps with a woman he and Judith were friends with when they were married, who then tells him that Judith says her new husband is a better lover than him.
User ratings: 642
Average rating: 8.3
S05E14
Winky-Dink Time
2008-04-14
Charlie sets up Alan with a prostitute, and accompanies Jake on a double date.
User ratings: 620
Average rating: 8.1
S05E15
Rough Night in Hump Junction
2008-04-21
Charlie is acting even more promiscuous than normal, which is getting him in trouble with a lot of husbands and boyfriends. With the help of his psychiatrist, he discovers it's related to his ex-fiancée's upcoming wedding.
User ratings: 612
Average rating: 8.0
S05E16
Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
2008-04-28
Alan helps to plan his mother's wedding, and Charlie makes some moves on the woman who will soon be his stepsister.
User ratings: 617
Average rating: 8.1
S05E17
Fish in a Drawer
2008-05-05
Parody of "CSI" in which a body is found in Charlie's bed, and detectives try to figure out who is the killer.
User ratings: 1,002
Average rating: 8.8
S05E18
If My Hole Could Talk
2008-05-12
Charlie dates a self-help author who is much older than he is, has a 32-year-old son, and treats Charlie more like a son than a boyfriend. Jake tries to write a book report over the weekend, but keeps losing the book before he can read it.
User ratings: 624
Average rating: 7.9
S05E19
Waiting for the Right Snapper
2008-05-19
Alan has a crush on Charlie's new older girlfriend, and Charlie discovers that he dated his girlfriend's son's fiancée. Meanwhile, Alan tries to get Jake to study for his algebra exam.
User ratings: 601
Average rating: 8.0
S06E01
Taterhead Is Our Love Child
2008-09-22
Charlie runs into an ex with a child who looks and acts a lot like him. He begins to suspect that he is the child's father.
User ratings: 685
Average rating: 8.0
S06E02
Pie Hole, Herb
2008-09-29
Charlie kicks Alan out the house again after Alan demands that Charlie pay him back the $38 he owes him. Alan and Jake are now forced to turn to Judith and Herb for a temporary home.
User ratings: 603
Average rating: 7.9
S06E03
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
2008-10-06
Alan tries to date two women at once and Charlie tries to learn how to cook. Jake tells Alan that he's studying with a friend, but he gets drunk instead.
User ratings: 644
Average rating: 8.1
S06E04
The Flavin' and the Mavin'
2008-10-13
Alan is angry when Charlie hooks up with his secretary because he knows that the situation will end badly for him after their inevitable breakup.
User ratings: 641
Average rating: 7.8
S06E05
A Jock Strap in Hell
2008-10-20
Charlie gets more than he bargained for when he tries to make amends to one of Jake's old teachers that he dated, who went off the deep end and became a stripper after he broke up with her.
User ratings: 619
Average rating: 7.6
S06E06
It's Always Nazi Week
2008-11-03
Alan is overjoyed when he learns that Judith and Herb's marriage is on the rocks, but he gets more than he bargained for when he tries to fake-comfort her. Meanwhile, Herb tries picking up women with Charlie's help.
User ratings: 588
Average rating: 8.1
S06E07
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
2008-11-10
Alan and Judith start seeing each other again after Judith's breakup with Herb, Herb continues to turn to Charlie for help picking up women, and Charlie messes with Jake by threatening to get him sent to military school.
User ratings: 580
Average rating: 8.1
S06E08
Pinocchio's Mouth
2008-11-17
Charlie's month-long relationship threatens to go down the tubes when she asks him to spend the night at her house instead, and Alan grounds Jake for mooning some girls on a school bus.
User ratings: 585
Average rating: 7.8
S06E09
The Mooch at the Boo
2008-11-24
Alan realizes what a babe magnet Charlie's car can be, while Charlie is left with the neighbor when his daughter disappears with Jake.
User ratings: 760
Average rating: 8.6
S06E10
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
2008-12-08
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education and a car, Charlie suspects that she has an angle to play.
User ratings: 569
Average rating: 7.7
S06E11
The Devil's Lube
2008-12-15
Charlie contemplates making some changes in his life after an old buddy and partner in crime drops dead on the balcony of his beach house.
User ratings: 639
Average rating: 7.8
S06E12
Thank God for Scoliosis
2009-01-12
Alan considers hooking up with his receptionist--until he meets her mother, and Charlie and Jake fight for the affection of a beautiful woman
User ratings: 646
Average rating: 8.2
S06E13
I Think You Offended Don
2009-01-19
Judith is pregnant, Alan believes he is the father, and Judith tries to keep him away from Herb. Meanwhile, Charlie tries to figure out why Jake is so irritable.
User ratings: 582
Average rating: 7.7
S06E14
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
2009-02-02
After his family acts mean-spirited during Alan's "surprise" birthday party, Alan decides he's had enough and moves in with his girlfriend and mom.
User ratings: 610
Average rating: 8.1
S06E15
I'd Like to Start with the Cat
2009-02-09
Charlie's big mouth and lack of attention to details gets him in couples counseling with his girlfriend.
User ratings: 563
Average rating: 7.8
S06E16
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
2009-03-02
Charlie needs Alan and Jake's help getting rid of the drunk, half-naked bimbo passed out in his bed when his girlfriend tells him she's coming home early from a funeral.
User ratings: 637
Average rating: 8.3
S06E17
The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
2009-03-09
Charlie is so desperate to get Chelsea to return his accidental "I love you" and not lose control in the relationship that he is willing to propose to her just to make her say it.
User ratings: 561
Average rating: 7.8
S06E18
My Son's Enormous Head
2009-03-16
Charlie has trouble trying to take care of Chelsea when she gets sick.
User ratings: 573
Average rating: 7.7
S06E19
The Two Finger Rule
2009-03-30
Charlie, Alan and Herb commiserate with each other when their stupid decisions put them on the outs with their significant others.
User ratings: 817
Average rating: 8.8
S06E20
Hello, I am Alan Cousteau
2009-04-13
Charlie is disturbed when his mother meets Chelsea and starts spending time with her, but he has a plan for revenge.
User ratings: 595
Average rating: 8.0
S06E21
Above Exalted Cyclops
2009-04-27
Chelsea sets up Alan with her new "friend" Rose--the same Rose who stalked Charlie for years. But to Charlie's surprise, the two of them hit it off.
User ratings: 607
Average rating: 8.3
S06E22
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
2009-05-04
Charlie winds up in more hot water with Chelsea because he doesn't want her moving in with him.
User ratings: 559
Average rating: 7.7
S06E23
Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
2009-05-11
Charlie is angry when Alan and Chelsea become good friends, until he figures out how to use the situation to his advantage.
User ratings: 593
Average rating: 7.8
S06E24
Baseball Was Better with Steroids
2009-05-18
Chelsea is jealous when Charlie's ex fiancé, Mia, calls him--perhaps rightfully so. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor, Herb is incapacitated, and Alan runs into his ex-girlfriend and receptionist at the hospital.
User ratings: 678
Average rating: 8.4
S07E01
818-jklpuzo
2009-09-21
Chelsea encourages Charlie to help his ex-fiancé Mia launch her music career, but does he still have feelings for her? And what if she's a terrible singer? Meanwhile, Alan wants Charlie to let Melissa move in with him.
User ratings: 747
Average rating: 8.4
S07E02
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
2009-09-28
When Charlie's fiancée, Chelsea, convinces him to let Melissa, Alan's girlfriend, move in, the girls take over the house.
User ratings: 589
Average rating: 8.0
S07E03
Mmm, Fish. Yum.
2009-10-05
Alan is forced to take care of Judith's baby when Judith's mom falls off the wagon, and Jake tries to blackmail Charlie when he runs over Chelsea's cat.
User ratings: 574
Average rating: 7.9
S07E04
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
2009-10-12
Alan takes a job with his mom so that he can move out and have alone time with Melissa, and Chelsea is upset about the way that Jake is treating her.
User ratings: 571
Average rating: 7.8
S07E05
For the Sake of the Child
2009-10-19
Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan after they embarrass him in public, so Alan tries to convince Charlie to work together to settle their differences and stop fighting with each other.
User ratings: 608
Average rating: 7.9
S07E06
Give Me Your Thumb
2009-11-02
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast reduction surgery and Charlie kicks him out.
User ratings: 593
Average rating: 8.1
S07E07
Untainted by Filth
2009-11-09
After Charlie and Chelsea set their wedding date, Charlie and Alan go out and get drunk and wake up in bed together with a strange woman.
User ratings: 608
Average rating: 8.1
S07E08
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
2009-11-16
Charlie invites Chelsea's sexy friend to stay at his place while she gets over a breakup, secretly hoping that he will get a chance to have kinky three-way sex.
User ratings: 913
Average rating: 8.8
S07E09
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
2009-11-23
Charlie is crushed when he discovers he hasn't been satisfying Chelsea and Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair on the cheap.
User ratings: 578
Average rating: 8.0
S07E10
That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room'
2009-12-07
Charlie discovers that Chelsea hasn't been completely honest about her finances.
User ratings: 560
Average rating: 8.1
S07E11
Warning, It's Dirty
2009-12-14
Against Alan's wishes, Charlie encourages Jake to hook up with a pretty girl he met on the beach since Jake's girlfriend is out of town for Christmas.
User ratings: 613
Average rating: 8.1
S07E12
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
2010-01-11
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend, and Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith's watchful eye.
User ratings: 573
Average rating: 8.0
S07E13
Yay, No Polyps
2010-01-18
Charlie endures a colonoscopy to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, only to return home and find them in his living room.
User ratings: 574
Average rating: 8.0
S07E14
Crude and Uncalled For
2010-02-01
Alan ends up in jail after a bar fight, and Charlie worries that Chelsea might be interested in the lawyer who takes the case.
User ratings: 571
Average rating: 7.7
S07E15
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
2010-02-08
When Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea, he turns to Alan for help in becoming a better person. But will he be able to pull it off?
User ratings: 573
Average rating: 7.8
S07E16
Tinkle Like a Princess
2010-03-01
Charlie reacts to his breakup with Chelsea by taking the first tramp that he sees and marrying her in Las Vegas.
User ratings: 573
Average rating: 7.9
S07E17
I Found Your Moustache
2010-03-08
Charlie and Chelsea get back together for one night, which leaves Charlie mistakenly believing that they are back for good.
User ratings: 549
Average rating: 7.6
S07E18
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
2010-03-22
Charlie hooks up with Chelsea's best friend, which could cause problems when Chelsea wants to get back together. Meanwhile, Alan is paid handsomely by a chiropractic patient who wants a different kind of adjustment.
User ratings: 599
Average rating: 8.4
S07E19
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave
2010-04-12
Alan dates the mom of one of Jake's friends instead of telling her that her son and Jake went out drinking, but Charlie surprisingly does not approve of his actions.
User ratings: 559
Average rating: 7.9
S07E20
I Called Him Magoo
2010-05-10
Alan's plan for a romantic overnight getaway with his girlfriend hits an unexpected snag, while Charlie has an unusual request for his overnight companion.
User ratings: 608
Average rating: 7.8
S07E21
Gumby with a Pokey
2010-05-17
While Alan and Jake go to Sacramento to pick up a grandfather clock, Charlie gets a prescription for medical marijuana to help him sleep and forget about Chelsea.
User ratings: 626
Average rating: 8.2
S07E22
This Is Not Gonna End Well
2010-05-24
Jake becomes Charlie's driver after Charlie has his license suspended, and to Charlie's chagrin, Alan makes plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party.
User ratings: 577
Average rating: 8.0
S08E01
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
2010-09-20
Alan unsuccessfully tries to keep Jake from finding out that he's sleeping with his friend Eldridge's mom, while Charlie contemplates giving up drinking after an unusually wild night he can't remember.
User ratings: 869
Average rating: 8.6
S08E02
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
2010-09-27
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get Alan to say "yes."
User ratings: 654
Average rating: 8.1
S08E03
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
2010-10-04
Alan moves in with Lyndsey but continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
User ratings: 619
Average rating: 8.0
S08E04
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
2010-10-11
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after Alan burns down their home.
User ratings: 676
Average rating: 8.1
S08E05
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
2010-10-18
Alan Goes out on the town pretending to be Charlie, while Charlie sneaks off for some cosmetic surgery.
User ratings: 618
Average rating: 7.8
S08E06
Twanging Your Magic Clanger
2010-10-25
Charlie has second thoughts about the woman he's dating when he discovers she's 47, but his attitude suddenly changes when he discovers she has a sexy, bisexual, 20-year-old daughter.
User ratings: 658
Average rating: 8.1
S08E07
The Crazy Bitch Gazette
2010-11-01
Charlie's past comes back to bite him when his girlfriend decides that his stalker, Rose, is just too much to handle.
User ratings: 608
Average rating: 7.9
S08E08
Springtime on a Stick
2010-11-08
Jake gets Alan to invite Evelyn to Charlie's house for her birthday dinner to get revenge for Charlie ruining his chances with a classmate, and Alan and Charlie get Charlie's pharmacist to come along as Evelyn's date.
User ratings: 602
Average rating: 7.9
S08E09
A Good Time in Central Africa
2010-11-15
Charlie gets a replacement housekeeper who is perfect while Berta is out for the weekend, and Lyndsey's ex-husband begins scaring Alan when Alan and Lyndsey begin dating again.
User ratings: 601
Average rating: 8.1
S08E10
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
2010-11-22
Charlie goes on a spending spree for his old fling, Courtney, who shows up after three years in prison for conning him out of money.
User ratings: 590
Average rating: 7.6
S08E11
Dead from the Waist Down
2010-12-06
Alan is ashamed that he can't afford to buy Lyndsey a birthday present, so he gets creative.
User ratings: 574
Average rating: 7.5
S08E12
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
2010-12-13
When Charlie and Courtney break up, Charlie falls into a depression and goes to see his psychiatrist.
User ratings: 578
Average rating: 7.5
S08E13
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
2011-01-03
When Charlie and Lyndsey start becoming friendly, Alan's paranoia gets the best of him.
User ratings: 577
Average rating: 7.7
S08E14
Lookin' for Japanese Subs
2011-01-17
Charlie continues to obsess over Rose--whom he thinks is married--after running into her at the store, and Jake and Eldrige begin recording their own "Jackass" rip-off.
User ratings: 579
Average rating: 7.8
S08E15
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
2011-02-07
Alan's efforts to ask family for money to help promote his struggling chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme, and Charlie continues to see Rose, still completely unaware that her "husband" is actually a mannequin.
User ratings: 615
Average rating: 8.2
S08E16
That Darn Priest
2011-02-14
Rose becomes wise to Alan's Ponzi scheme and threatens to tell his family--until Alan discovers the truth about Rose's "husband."
User ratings: 686
Average rating: 7.7
S09E01
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
2011-09-19
After the death of Charlie Harper, Alan faces the reality of moving out of his brother's beach house - until he meets a depressed Internet billionaire whose wife just left him.
User ratings: 2,751
Average rating: 5.7
S09E02
People Who Love Peepholes
2011-09-26
Walden buys Charlie's house and hires Berta as his live-in housekeeper, forcing Alan to move back in with his mom. However, Alan sees an opportunity to come back when Walden asks for advice about getting his wife back.
User ratings: 1,331
Average rating: 5.1
S09E03
Big Girls Don't Throw Food
2011-10-03
While preparing for a romantic dinner with his wife, Walden accidentally talks Jake into dropping out of school.
User ratings: 1,076
Average rating: 5.2
S09E04
Nine Magic Fingers
2011-10-10
Alan begins working on getting Lyndsey back, but his days at Walden's place may be numbered after Walden hooks up with Charlie's gold-digger ex girlfriend, Courtney.
User ratings: 899
Average rating: 5.5
S09E05
A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
2011-10-17
Lyndsey dumps Alan after he agrees to be completely honest about his past, and a stoned Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing him a party.
User ratings: 828
Average rating: 5.6
S09E06
The Squat and the Hover
2011-10-24
Alan convinces Walden to see Charlie's old shrink after he gets his divorce papers from Bridget, but his spirits are soon lifted after he meets a lesbian who looks like her.
User ratings: 798
Average rating: 5.5
S09E07
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
2011-10-31
Walden hires Evelyn as his interior decorator, but Alan is convinced that she just wants to take advantage of him sexually. Meanwhile, Alan inherits Charlie's journal, and Jake has a crush on his tutor, but she has a crush on Walden.
User ratings: 751
Average rating: 5.7
S09E08
Thank You for the Intercourse
2011-11-07
Still emotional after Charlie's death and jealous over Walden's ability to pick up hot single women, Alan takes a break from reality and channels his inner Charlie.
User ratings: 820
Average rating: 6.5
S09E09
Frodo's Headshots
2011-11-14
Upon his return from the "stress clinic," Alan finds out that Jake got his girlfriend pregnant, Walden and Lyndsey are sleeping together, and he has to move out immediately.
User ratings: 806
Average rating: 6.3
S09E10
A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
2011-11-21
After Jake talks Walden into asking out a woman he meets at a supermarket, Alan considers hocking Walden's incredibly expensive wedding ring to get out of debt.
User ratings: 745
Average rating: 6.1
S09E11
What a Lovely Landing Strip
2011-12-05
Just as Walden appears ready to pursue a new relationship with Zoe, Bridget returns and says that she wants him back.
User ratings: 690
Average rating: 6.3
S09E12
One False Move, Zimbabwe!
2011-12-12
Walden's mother arrives for Christmas and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about a "pet" from Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.
User ratings: 732
Average rating: 5.8
S09E13
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
2012-01-02
When Bridget and Walden's mother try to take control of Walden's company, Walden puts Alan on the board. But can he be trusted once Walden's mother gets to him?
User ratings: 679
Average rating: 6.6
S09E14
A Possum on Chemo
2012-01-16
While Zoe pressures Walden into shaving and cutting his hair, Alan discovers that Lyndsey is dating a younger man.
User ratings: 615
Average rating: 6.4
S09E15
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
2012-02-06
Walden looks for ways to spice up his lackluster love life with Zoey, including a batch of Berta's "special" brownies.
User ratings: 652
Average rating: 6.5
S09E16
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
2012-02-13
Alan and Walden are stuck at home with their feuding girlfriends on Valentine's Day because of a torrential storm.
User ratings: 616
Average rating: 6.6
S09E17
Not in My Mouth!
2012-02-20
When Zoe doesn't return his "I love you," Walden retaliates by immediately picking up on another woman.
User ratings: 649
Average rating: 5.6
S09E18
The War Against Gingivitis
2012-02-27
Walden's estranged ex-business partner comes to him with a billion-dollar business idea, and another secret or two.
User ratings: 576
Average rating: 5.7
S09E19
Palmdale, Ech
2012-03-19
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers to each other, while Walden spends the night hanging out with Jake and Eldrige since Zoey is still out of town.
User ratings: 562
Average rating: 6.3
S09E20
Grandma's Pie
2012-04-09
Zoe is upset when she finds out that Bridget is a business partner in Walden's latest venture, while Alan and Lyndsey have an awkward dinner with their moms, who are now lovers and are planning to move in together.
User ratings: 553
Average rating: 6.1
S09E21
Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
2012-04-16
Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey.
User ratings: 521
Average rating: 6.2
S09E22
Why We Gave Up Women
2012-04-30
Charlie's spirit returns from Hell in the form of a middle aged woman to tell Alan to make some changes to his life after his heart attack.
User ratings: 612
Average rating: 6.4
S09E23
The Straw in My Donut Hole
2012-05-07
Alan decides to take advantage of the guilt felt by his family and Walden after his heart attack, but Zoe knows that he's just milking it and sets out to prove it.
User ratings: 578
Average rating: 5.7
S09E24
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
2012-05-14
Jake and Eldridge make an important decision about their future after they graduate from high school and get fired from their jobs at Walden's new company.
User ratings: 597
Average rating: 6.4
S10E01
I Changed My Mind About the Milk
2012-09-27
Walden weighs his options after his elaborate marriage proposal featuring fireworks and Michael Bolton fails.
User ratings: 811
Average rating: 6.1
S10E02
A Big Bag of Dog
2012-10-04
While Alan becomes obsessed with off-brand teeth whitening, Walden begins to crack up over his breakup with Zoe.
User ratings: 541
Average rating: 6.3
S10E03
Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
2012-10-11
Alan agrees to Lyndsey's idea of having a threesome with Walden, but Walden can't follow through because he's still in love with Zoey.
User ratings: 603
Average rating: 6.1
S10E04
You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
2012-10-18
Walden is conflicted when a friend's hot daughter comes to visit, but the problem solves itself when Jake arrives for a surprise visit.
User ratings: 710
Average rating: 6.6
S10E05
That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
2012-10-25
After a series of bad double date setups with Alan and Lyndsey, Walden meets a new woman--Charlie's ex, Rose.
User ratings: 528
Average rating: 6.5
S10E06
Ferrets, Attack!
2012-11-01
Just as Walden considers making a big move in his relationship with Rose, Zoey re-enters the picture and asks him to take her back.
User ratings: 506
Average rating: 6.1
S10E07
Avoid the Chinese Mustard
2012-11-08
Jake goes AWOL from the Army to spend another weekend with Missi, and Walden hires an actress to play the role of his girlfriend.
User ratings: 582
Average rating: 6.4
S10E08
Something My Gynecologist Said
2012-11-15
Alan loses Lyndsey over his refusal to make a long-term commitment, while Walden becomes a "boy toy" for a rich older woman who has no idea that he's a billionaire.
User ratings: 539
Average rating: 6.6
S10E09
I Scream When I Pee
2012-11-29
Alan's second ex-wife, Kandi, could spoil Alan's new long-term relationship with Lyndsey. Meanwhile, Walden tries to celebrate Berta's birthday.
User ratings: 545
Average rating: 7.0
S10E10
One Nut Johnson
2012-12-06
Walden creates an "Everyman" persona and finds a woman who isn't interested in him because of his money.
User ratings: 521
Average rating: 7.1
S10E11
Give Santa a Tail-Hole
2012-12-13
While Walden takes a job as a Christmas tree salesman as part of his ruse, he gets a billion dollar business proposal from Mark Zuckerberg. Meanwhile, Alan finds himself completely alone at the beach house for the holidays.
User ratings: 521
Average rating: 6.8
S10E12
Welcome to Alancrest
2013-01-03
While Walden's health and other bedroom issues begin to suffer as a result of living a lie, he gives Alan 100,000 dollars to "invest" in Kate's fashion line.
User ratings: 504
Average rating: 6.3
S10E13
Grab a Feather and Get in Line
2013-01-10
Walden and Alan fly to New York City so that Walden can finally reveal his true identity to Kate.
User ratings: 563
Average rating: 5.8
S10E14
Run, Steven Staven! Run!
2013-01-31
Alan, Walden, Billy, and Herb spend the night out together commiserating over their exes after Lyndsey dumps Alan one more time.
User ratings: 480
Average rating: 6.6
S10E15
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
2013-02-07
Alan is alarmed when discovers that Jake's new girlfriend is almost twice his age, has three children, and owns a tattoo parlor.
User ratings: 524
Average rating: 7.0
S10E16
Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
2013-02-14
Walden is delighted when Kate flies to LA and asks an appointment on Valentine's Day. Alas, she only wants friendship, still prefers 'Sam' and now has just a busy calendar as Walden, so no next date can be booked. For once, Alan decides to 'spoil' Lyndsey on Valentine's Day by booking a hotel suite he can't really afford. But pubic grooming on himself goes so bad she has to drive him to hospital instead. Rose is unsuspecting Kate's new business partner, who lures her to China.
User ratings: 448
Average rating: 6.5
S10E17
Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
2013-02-21
Walden goes to a mixer to find a woman but runs into his ex-wife Bridget instead.
User ratings: 474
Average rating: 6.4
S10E18
The 9:04 from Pemberton
2013-03-07
After Alan and Walden fight over a toaster, Alan moves out and goes back to his old house to live with Herb.
User ratings: 456
Average rating: 6.5
S10E19
Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon
2013-03-14
Alan and Walden take Herb out to take his mind off of his troubles, but his partying quickly spirals out of control.
User ratings: 498
Average rating: 6.9
S10E20
Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
2013-04-04
Tammy comes after Jake after he cheats on her with her 18 year old daughter.
User ratings: 584
Average rating: 7.0
S10E21
Another Night with Neil Diamond
2013-04-25
Alan is crushed when Lyndsey dumps him and immediately starts dating a new man, and Walden is crushed because he is now completely stuck with Alan--again.
User ratings: 446
Average rating: 6.4
S10E22
My Bodacious Vidalia
2013-05-02
Walden treats Alan to an image makeover, and he attracts a married woman with a much older husband who cannot satisfy her in bed.
User ratings: 451
Average rating: 6.5
S10E23
Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
2013-05-09
Walden dates a sexy young woman, but is actually more interested in her grandmother. Meanwhile, Alan and Jake take a final road trip together before Jake leaves for Japan.
User ratings: 522
Average rating: 6.5
S11E01
Nangnangnangnang
2013-09-26
Walden is forced to deal with two freeloading Harpers when Charlie's daughter that nobody knew he had arrives at the beach house.
User ratings: 701
Average rating: 6.4
S11E02
I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
2013-10-03
Charlie's daughter Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her 91 1/2 year old boyfriend, and Lyndsey cheats on her new boyfriend with Alan.
User ratings: 526
Average rating: 6.2
S11E03
This Unblessed Biscuit
2013-10-10
Berta is injured on the job, and after getting in an argument with Walden over retirement, she decides to quit.
User ratings: 472
Average rating: 6.2
S11E04
Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
2013-10-17
Walden makes a big mistake while partying with Jenny and her friends, and Alan has to make a big sacrifice to keep up appearances with Lyndsey.
User ratings: 497
Average rating: 6.5
S11E05
Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
2013-10-24
Alan's jealousy over being the "other man" causes him to spy on Lyndsey's boyfriend, and Walden tries to get Jenny started with acting lessons.
User ratings: 462
Average rating: 6.5
S11E06
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
2013-11-07
Alan begs Walden to set him up with an old family friend, "Wonder Woman" TV star Lynda Carter.
User ratings: 473
Average rating: 6.3
S11E07
Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
2013-11-14
Alan and Walden hook up with a pair of theme park princesses until Lyndsey's jealousy of Alan's new flame ruins everything.
User ratings: 483
Average rating: 6.8
S11E08
Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
2013-11-21
A private investigator tells Lyndsey's boyfriend that she is cheating on him with Walden, and Rose tries to help keep Walden out of danger.
User ratings: 422
Average rating: 6.5
S11E09
Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
2013-12-05
Walden has a date with an injury-prone model, and Alan sleeps with a woman who then reveals that she used to be a man.
User ratings: 450
Average rating: 6.3
S11E10
On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
2013-12-12
Walden helps Jenny get a second date with a woman who is blowing her off, and Alan is propositioned by his new girlfriend's ex.
User ratings: 471
Average rating: 6.7
S11E11
Tazed in the Lady Nuts
2014-01-02
Walden is hired by a former employee he fired to write code for a new project, and Alan suffers an unfortunate tick bite while hiking with Jenny and her girlfriend.
User ratings: 482
Average rating: 6.9
S11E12
Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
2014-01-09
Alan lets Lyndsey's boyfriend Larry set him up on a date, while Walden offers to help Nicole with her software project, so that she will have the time to date him.
User ratings: 425
Average rating: 6.5
S11E13
Bite Me, Supreme Court
2014-01-30
Marty proposes to Evelyn, and she accepts. But after Alan and Walden throw Marty a bachelor party, he abruptly calls off the wedding.
User ratings: 443
Average rating: 6.4
S11E14
Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
2014-02-06
After Alan learns that Lyndsey broke up with Larry and didn't tell him, he makes a big decision. Meanwhile, Walden sets out to prove that he's a man's man.
User ratings: 406
Average rating: 6.5
S11E15
Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
2014-02-27
Alan turns to Judith for comfort after Lyndsey accepts Larry's marriage proposal, and Jenny is worried that Brooke is blowing her off.
User ratings: 409
Average rating: 6.4
S11E16
How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
2014-03-06
Alan takes an interest in Larry's sister after "Jeff Strongman" agrees to be his best man, and Walden is concerned about his relationship with Nicole.
User ratings: 424
Average rating: 6.7
S11E17
Welcome Home, Jake
2014-03-13
Lyndsey discovers that Alan is sleeping with Larry's sister, Gretchen. Meanwhile, Walden finds it difficult with telling Barry to find his own place.
User ratings: 422
Average rating: 6.8
S11E18
West Side Story
2014-04-03
Walden's reunion with his ex-girlfriend Kate does not go as planned, and Alan takes Gretchen over to "his apartment."
User ratings: 411
Average rating: 6.8
S11E19
Lan mao shi zai wuding shang
2014-04-10
Just as Walden is considering proposing to Kate, he falls for a random stranger who arrives at his beach house. Meanwhile, Gretchen discovers that Alan's "Jeff Strongman" persona is a lie.
User ratings: 525
Average rating: 7.4
S11E20
Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
2014-04-24
Walden's therapist tells him to have plenty of random casual sex to help get over falling in love too quickly, and Alan's new business venture provides him with the perfect opportunity.
User ratings: 478
Average rating: 7.3
S11E21
Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
2014-05-01
Walden goes to Colorado with Jenny and Barry after he finds his first car. Meanwhile, Alan loses Gretchen after he considers telling Larry the truth about "Jeff Strongman."
User ratings: 405
Average rating: 6.3
S11E22
Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
2014-05-08
When Alan and Gretchen get engaged and Larry calls off the wedding, Lyndsey goes off the deep end. Meanwhile, Walden creates a smart-aleck robot.
User ratings: 467
Average rating: 6.9
S12E01
The Ol' Mexican Spinach
2014-10-30
When Walden has a health scare on Halloween, he tries to re-prioritize his life with the help of Alan.
User ratings: 608
Average rating: 5.3
S12E02
A Chic Bar in Ibiza
2014-11-06
Alan has second thoughts about getting married when Walden has him sign a prenup.
User ratings: 540
Average rating: 5.4
S12E03
Glamping in a Yurt
2014-11-13
Alan and Walden must be perceived as a loving couple during a meeting with an adoption social worker. However, Lyndsey returns from rehab and makes their plans more difficult.
User ratings: 472
Average rating: 5.6
S12E04
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
2014-11-20
After the social worker signs off on them, a prospective birth mother visits Walden and Alan.
User ratings: 446
Average rating: 5.6
S12E05
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
2014-11-27
Walden looks after a foster child named Louis,but they don't bond the way he hoped they would.
User ratings: 449
Average rating: 5.4
S12E06
Alan Shot a Little Girl
2014-12-04
Much to Walden's frustration, Louie successfully manipulates Alan, who cannot resist the opportunity to finally get to become the cool parent.
User ratings: 421
Average rating: 5.5
S12E07
Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
2014-12-11
Walden and Alan befriend a group of sexy single moms while taking Louie out to play, which makes it even more difficult to keep up their charade.
User ratings: 404
Average rating: 6.1
S12E08
Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
2014-12-18
Walden hopes to create the perfect Christmas experience for Louie, who has lost his faith in Christmas. But Santa, Alan's mom Evelyn, and Alan's cheapness threaten to ruin everything.
User ratings: 410
Average rating: 5.7
S12E09
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
2015-01-08
Walden and Laurel set up a playdate for their kids so they can pick up where they left off the last time they got together. Meanwhile, Herb asks Alan if he can ask Lyndsey out.
User ratings: 391
Average rating: 5.9
S12E10
Here I Come, Pants!
2015-01-15
When Ms. McMartin discovers that Walden and Alan are pretending to be gay, she threatens to take Louis away. However, Alan has a plan to help her change her mind.
User ratings: 385
Average rating: 5.9
S12E11
For Whom the Booty Calls
2015-01-22
When Walden joins a support group for adoptive fathers, he discovers that it is a nice getaway from Alan.
User ratings: 416
Average rating: 5.8
S12E12
A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
2015-01-29
Walden worries that Louis' adoption will be impacted when Alan breaks up with their social worker.
User ratings: 443
Average rating: 6.4
S12E13
Boompa Loved His Hookers
2015-02-05
Walden discovers that Ms. McMartin is crazy and needy after they hook up, but he doesn't want to break up with her and mess up the adoption. Meanwhile, Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her.
User ratings: 397
Average rating: 6.0
S12E14
Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
2015-02-12
When their divorce becomes official, Walden offers Alan a gift. Alan's impractical choice strains his relationship with Lindsay.
User ratings: 418
Average rating: 5.9
S12E15
Of Course He's Dead: Part 1 & 2
2015-02-19
Alan begins to suspect that Charlie is still alive, which is confirmed when he receives a threatening package and Rose tells the truth.
User ratings: 1,991
Average rating: 4.2
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